


take it as a little thing (next to what endures)

by live_die_be



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Lowercase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 15:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_die_be/pseuds/live_die_be
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there is peter. he is family, and you think that you might hate him.</p>
<p>there is your pack, and you never see them because they can't stand to be around you unless they have to be. that doesn't make you feel better about anything.</p>
<p>there is also stiles. stiles is... an anomaly. you don't understand anything about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	take it as a little thing (next to what endures)

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase, because, really, fuck grammar. 
> 
> all poem excerpts by rilke.
> 
> um. first time venturing out into the teen wolf fandom, so. go easy on me?

 

**take it as a little thing (next to what endures)**

 

* * *

_We set the pace,_

_But this press of time—_

_take it as a little thing_

_next to what endures._

_All this hurrying_

_soon will be over._

_Only when we tarry_

_do we touch the holy._

* * *

when you were a child (and isn't that woefully long ago, now), you were a dreamer. sometimes you think that you still are a dreamer, when you catch yourself thinking that everything will be okay.

sometimes you find yourself watching peter, and you think  _why_. you can't put this person together in your mind with the uncle who you grew up with; the one that you know,  _knew_. this person is a killer and not at all good, but peter is the only family that you have left, if a person could consider peter family at all.

there is peter. he is family, and you think that you might hate him.

there is your pack, and you never see them because they can't stand to be around you unless they have to be. that doesn't make you feel better about anything.

there is also stiles. stiles is... an anomaly. you don't understand anything about him.

you liked to think that you knew people; knew what they like, what they need.

now, you think that you were young and arrogant. you don't really know people at all.

you spend long days in the woods, up at the burnt out shell of a house trying to picture your mother's face, and it's blurry now. your memories are like old photographs, tattered and faded from use. a replacement, since there aren't actual photographs of any of them, they burned in the fire like you should have.

every two weeks (sometimes once every week, depending on how much has happened), stiles drives up to the house in his jeep. (you're not sure how he figured out when you spend most of your time in the first place, but then again there are many things that you're not sure about with stiles.)

he comes to tell you where you've failed as an alpha since he saw you last. lists incidents and occurrences in a monotone, and stays with you for a while before he leaves.

the first time it happened, the first time he came to tell you where you'd screwed up, you got so angry that you saw red and shoved him up against a still-standing charred support pillar. he laughed at you, and that was what made you let him go. that he wasn't scared of you, even as your claws came out to dig into his thin t-shirt. even as your teeth got longer and sharper.

he wasn't scared of you, and you didn't know what to make of him then, and you still don't now. 

after a few more visits, where stiles would tell you what you'd done wrong and exactly why you were absolutely horrible at being an alpha, you started to realise that this was his way of  _helping_. that he was telling you what mistakes you made so that you would know not to do it again next time.

(not that you needed to be told how horrible you were at it. you know nothing when you took the job, and it's been a learn-as-you-go process, which isn't at all how it's supposed to work.)

your pack is rather pitiful, and you know that. you rushed to put it together instead of taking your time, and peter will give you a look that makes you feel like you're ten years old again and almost revealing the family secret to a friend you'd made a week ago. not that he has much of a leg to stand on, since he was the one who started it all by turning scott.

you couldn't even protect erica and boyd, and that's your  _job_ , you're supposed to protect. you're the  _alpha_ , you're supposed to be able to protect your pack when they need it, and you couldn't protect them when they needed it.

your pack. a rag-tag group of teenagers who you can't even count on to stay and fight when it comes down to it.

there is isaac. isaac, who you turned to save, and he followed after you with eyes starry with hero-worship until erica and boyd disappeared. now he looks at you with something like betrayal, which hurts your more primal half, because your wolf says that he's not supposed to look at you like he can't trust you. 

you know that he feels the loss of erica and boyd like a physical blow. he knows that you couldn't protect them, and sometimes you wonder when he'll leave too, because he knows you can't protect him either. but he will stay, because you saved him and he feels like he owes you something for that.

there's also jackson, not that you ever see jackson unless he has something to ask you, and even that's rare because he's in love with lydia who probably knows even more than you do about being a wolf. jackson, who is another problem, because you don't know where he'd stand if you needed to bring together your pack to prepare for a fight. you don't know what side he'd chose, or if he'd even chose a side at all.

and scott you can't count on, you can't trust. he hasn't chosen to be a part of your pack, and choice is important. you won't force anyone to stay with you if they don't want to. 

that's why erica and boyd left. because you didn't make them stay, and they didn't understand how generous it was that you let them choose at all. didn't understand that there are packs out there who wouldn't give them a choice, would force them to stay with teeth and claws and violence.

when the time comes, stiles will stand with you. this you know. stiles will stand with you, because he has more bravery and bravado than sense, though that's not entirely true because he's the cleverest member of your pack, and he is a part of your pack; as much as a human can be. 

you don't know where to place peter. he's not quite pack, but he is family, and his smell is familiar and cloying and makes you want to curl up with him and mourn the loss of your family together. he is a constant presence, you know that he lingers somewhere near the house most of the time, and you think that he might, just might, stand with you. 

if only because he wants to be the one to kill you, but he will fight. 

the alpha pack is approaching, and you don't know how this is going to end. you don't know whether, by some miracle, you'll win, or if they'll slaughter you all like pigs. 

there is so much that you don't know. too much that you don't know, and you hate flailing around like this, trial and error. 

there's not going to be time for trial and error when the alpha pack comes. there won't be time for anything.

(you think that there is only one way for this to end. you don't think that any of you are going to survive this.)

they are biding their time, and it's a tactic to make you nervous, careless. it's working, and you are so sick of all of this.

but there is nothing that you can do, because seeking them out would be a beginners mistake, and at least you've learned that much. nothing you can do. 

stiles will drive up to the house later today, and you will ask him for his help. if there is to be any chance that your pack survives, you are going to need help, and stiles is a human with wolf friends, a bridge between the two worlds. he will agree to help, because he would never turn down a chance like that.

but he won't be by until the afternoon, and that is much later.

peter is pacing around the edge of the burned tree-line; where saplings are starting to grow in the ashes that still coat the ground. 

you stare through the holes in the roof, to the sky above, and you picture your mother's face. 

you are a dreamer, and you like to think that everything will be okay, but time is running out, and there is no way that this can end well. you wish that you could turn back the clock, but that's not possible and you know that. 

there is nothing that you can do.

for now, you wait.

 

* * *

_Young ones, don't waste your courage_

_racing so fast,_

_flying so high._

_See how all things are at rest—_

_darkness and morning light,_

_blossom and book_


End file.
